Whispers from God…

Father, I am so thankful for all you have done in me.

Salvation, redemption, healing that has set me free.

But in all honesty, a part of me struggles with a heavy heart.

Trying to fully accept the card I now hold and how to play it smart.

I refuse to fall into self-pity and begin to ask You “why?”

Please know I focus on the “Who” and fight daily to rise.

But I do ask myself why…why can’t I just stop and let go?

Release what I once was and surrender the old Nicci Jo?

I’ve tried so hard, but some of the life before MS can no longer exist.

The urge to do and be just like all the yesterdays, I must resist.

BUT I can’t, God!!!! Oh, my heart yearns to be TOTALLY free!!!!

I can’t stop fighting to live the life that I dream and can see!!!!!

There is so much my heart feels and wants to do.

Oh how much, Father, I simply want to live for You.

“You are baby girl….” He whispers so gently as I write.

“The brokenness of your shell just allows out more light.”

I sit and listen closely as tears fall down my face.

But Father, I’m not the same…..I can’t run the same race.

“Yes, the body may be different, but your heart is the same.”

“The love for others, teaching and pouring, glorifying my Name.”

“Circumstances do not define your purpose or what you will be.”

“You are MY child and your purpose comes only from ME.”

“Remember that I will 50:20 all things that come your way.”

“You just need to continue to surrender, trust, and obey.”

“Even when the race looks and feels different, I need you to know….”

“I’m still working through you and you will always be my Nicci Jo.”